So this post will probably be a bit random since I am just going to journal it as it comes to mind. This weekend was a very good weekend. Graduation was great, it was good to see old friends and professors and it feels good to finally be done with my master's. It was also great to spend a lot of time with family event though the weekend went faster than I wanted it to.
Now let me share a bit about Sunday morning. I had mentioned in a previous post that I had the chance to preach at Good Shepherd Wesleyan in Jackson this last weekend. This was the church I left two years ago to come down here to Pensacola. I was a little nervous to speak as the current pastor was recently voted out and there is some tension in the church right now. I feel however that God anointed my message and spoke through me. I chose to focus on unity by emphasizing the difference between be Inside focused or outside focused individuals. The premise of it is that if we are going to make a difference in the world today we need to be outward focused and turn away from ourselves regardless of our differences. Many of the people said that it was what they needed to hear and that was encouraging to me.
Also, I am a little hesitant to post this, but I will anyway. Can I tell you that for the first time in two years I felt like I was "home." I know there are still a lot of emotions attached to that church, but honestly it felt like we had just been gone on an extended vacation and were home. The people made us feel like family as they always have. I miss that, I really do. I know people in our current church care for us, but there is just that element of "home" that doesn't seem to exist here yet.
Now to the dilemma...as I was afraid of, several people "joked" that they would like us to come back. I am confident now though after speaking with the pastor that if I were to consider going back that there would be no thoughts of me trying to step in and get rid of him. I have always known that there was never that intention on my part and so I had nothing to fear, but my paranoid personality gets in the way sometimes. So I don't know-could God really point me back in the direction that we came from? I have learned a lot of these last two years and have grown spiritually and professionally and feel confident that I could pastor the church and be an effective minister with the Lord's help.
So I guess I would ask for your prayers for God's wisdom. It has been no secret that these past two years have been difficult, but with the Lord's help we have pressed on and will continue to do so unless the Lord points us elsewhere. Pray that if we are to even consider this as a possibility that certain doors will open on both ends (I do not wish to share those at this time though). Also I covet your prayers as I am struggling with what my role in ministry should be. I have always said that I wanted to be a "lifer" in youth ministry and I will always be involved with students, but I am wondering if maybe the Lord might be pointing me in a new direction of mentoring and training youth workers in my ministries while I am in the trenches with them.
There are just so many emotions and uncertainties right now, so please pray for me. I am also open to any thoughts you may have as well. Thanks everyone!